A Letter to Expectant Parents

Dear Expectant Parents,

People naturally feel the need to tell you that having children will change your life forever.  Don't let it get to you.  You see, before Baylor came into our world three years ago, I figured these people with advice were  talking about the lack of sleep Brantley and I would soon experience with a newborn in the house.  Or maybe they were warning me, the neat freak, to let go of the idea that my house must always be presentable, much less spotless.  I also figured they were gently letting Brantley and me know that our leisure days of doing and going as we pleased were going to become less frequent... much less frequent.  With those assumptions, I'd smile, nod my head, and agree with those people who gave the advice.  (Boy, was I naive!)

While all of these changes are certain to come your way, please allow me attempt to explain what it is these people with advice are REALLY trying to say to you.  These people with advice are telling the truth about the changes coming your way.  Your life (as one person and your life as a couple) is definitely going to be different, but in more ways than those I mentioned earlier.  Those are changes in your routine.  It won't take long, and you'll have to strain to remember what life was like pre-child(ren).  The real changes are bigger.  In fact, they do more than change your routines, they alter your ways of thinking, your ways of feeling, and your ways of doing.  

Will you allow me to give you an example?   To celebrate our fourth wedding anniversary two years ago, Brantley and I were thrilled to "get away" to the mountains of North Carolina.  We were invited to stay in a friend's cabin, practically free of charge.  We both used vacation days from work and headed to the hills early that Friday morning.  We didn't have to be back home until Sunday night!  It was a little pitiful.  We were both so excited to get away that it didn't matter where we ate or what we did.  A leisurely lunch at Cracker Barrel felt like we were dining at a five-star establishment.  Renting DVDs from the local Ingles felt like a night on the town. (I'm almost ashamed to say that two hours of that trip, and more importantly my life, was wasted by watching "Twilight."  I should've known better.  In order to redeem those two hours, we cruised through and around the mountains making a couple of quick hiking stops here and there.)  During our downtown excursions we even found a chocolate shop that sold chocolate covered strawberries.  Now, that WAS something to get excited over! (http://www.thechocolatebears.com/site.php?pid=3)  We savored them as if they were delicacies.  That was all within the first 30 hours of our mountain trip.  It wasn't long before I was longing for home.  Come to find out, Brantley was, as well.  What in the world was there at home in Calhoun Falls that could interrupt our time away?  A certain little one-year-old boy with big blue eyes and little brown curls.  We were both ready to go home to be with our Baylor.  So, after a true five-star dining experience (check out the Sweet Onion Restaurant in Waynesboro, NC at  http://www.sweetonionrestaurant.com/ ), we quickly went back to the cabin to pack our bags and hit the road for home.  That was late on Saturday night.  We had an entire day left to enjoy our freedom, but we chose to go back to that we had thought we wanted a break from.  

Yeah. And??  Well, I share that story as an example of the changes in thinking that occur once a child becomes a part of your world.  No longer is it about me.  No longer is it  about the two of us. There's another life to consider.  There's a person to mold.  With those life-altering changes comes sacrifice.  Things that may have once seemed important no longer hold the same urgency.  Things that were priorities are now worth waiting for.  Children will do that to you.  Sometimes the sacrifices seem easy.  (Really, what's one less chicken nugget?) Sometimes they hurt a little, but it isn't long before the weight of the sacrifice is a distant memory.  Perhaps God orchestrates this change in our thinking to bring us one step closer to knowing a fraction of the depth of sacrifice in the death of his Son on the cross. 

I pray with you as you anticipate the joys that a child will bring.  I pray with you as you consider the changes that will come to your life.  And I will celebrate with you as God sheds a brighter light on a deeper appreciation for the Sacrifice who paid the ultimate price.  I can't wait to meet all of these precious children that will make their appearances before we know it!

Much Love,
A Mama Who Still Has So Much to Learn But Just Gave You Some Advice :)

Tug o' War

At first, I felt the need to share my new title with anyone I met in a way that might be pretty close to the way personal introductions are done in a support group setting; "Hi, my name is Carrie, and I'm a stay-at-home mom."  Can you visualize it with me?  There I was trying not to make eye contact with my head held down.  I certainly didn't say it boldly or with a sense of contentment.  I was ashamed of the fact that I had given up some things to be a full-time mama.

It's one year since I felt God tugging at me to set aside my job as a public school teacher so that I  might pursue someone else's children; my own.  Actually, the tugging started two years ago, but, of course, it took me a while to be still enough to really feel it.  It's been a year now since I heard God calling me to obedience.  What had been a major (and I do mean major) issue of pride was now also an issue of obedience.  Let's start with the pride thing first.  You see, in my mind, I'd made my own neat little list of "Nevers."  From an early age, my mama had warned me never to write that list, but I did.  It went a little something like this:

NEVERS
#1 -- I will never marry someone without dating them for an entire year.  (Meet Brantley, my husband of almost six years.)
#2 -- I will never, ever be a stay-at-home-mom. (Keep reading this blog.)
#3 -- I will never be in direct sales (Are you familiar with Blessings Unlimited?)
#4 -- I will never drive a minivan. (I went from a red Mustang to a gray Equinox... might as well have been a minivan.)
#5 -- I will never even think about driving a minivan. (They sure do have lots of extra room, and they ride so smooothly.)
#6 -- I will never homeschool my children.  (I'm currently reading a book about homeschooling.  It will probably be a blog topic later.)

I was, and still am, an achiever.  I thrive off of accolade.  I didn't study hard in high school for nothing, and I certainly didn't go through four years of college focusing on my nearly 4.0 GPA for nothing.  I had chased my dream of becoming a teacher, and I was going to be a fine one.  And, for a season, God allowed me to do that.  That was before children and still for a short period as a mother with my first child.  After all that I had accomplished, I wasn't NEVER going  to become one of those girls who didn't work, who sat at home, who spent her husband's hard earned money, and who joined a group of other women and their children for playdates.  I was going to be useful.  I was going to contribute to my family's income.  I was going to make our dreams come true.  I was going to live my life.  I was going to be a good mother, too.  There was a disconnect there, and the ends weren't meeting due to my pride.  I was going to do what I felt was the right thing to do. 

But then, He really started to tug.  I had just landed my dream job as an agriculture teacher here in the town where we live in a small rural school.  Not to mention that we were just a couple of months away from welcoming our second son into the world.  I did my best to ignore His tugging from the beginning.  The ignorance made me miserable. I rationalized.  I justified.  I cried.  I prayed.  I ran. I cried more.  He pursued.  There on a path in the woods on a hot August afternoon, I finally surrendered to Him.  I couldn't run anymore. (That's definitely a figurative "run" since I was so swollen and hormonal at the time that literal "running" was not even an option.)  I realized I had two choices: obedience or disobedience. I could answer my true calling as a mother, or I could turn away and chase after other "good" things.

Please, please, if you're a mother who works outside of the home, do not consider this my way of saying your choice is wrong.  That's the fartherest thing from the truth.  This is simply my testimony of one of the most humbling experiences of my life.  This is how God has broken me and is building me back, piece by piece.  I now see both sides of the story, but I am using completely new eyes.

Honestly, it's been a struggle over the past year in several ways.  There isn't really a day that goes by that Satan doesn't try to tempt me back into pride and disobedience.  I feel vulnerable.  Some days I feel like He wins.  That is until I remember this verse from the gospel of John: "The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy.  I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly."  God truly wants me to experience life more abundantly through Him.  I can only do this when I set aside my pride and come to Him in obedience.  Being at home full time with my sons is exactly what He wants me to do through this season of my life.  Satan tugs, but God's the big kid at the back of the line who tugs even harder for those who call Him Lord and Savior.  He's going to win me over.