"The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly." John 10:10 (NKJV)

Saturday, December 24, 2011

This Christmas

One month ago, it was Thursday, November 24, 2011.  It was Thanksgiving Day.  It was the morning that I woke up at 4:00 AM to make sure Daddy was awake to give Mama her next dose of Morphine.  It was the morning I met Daddy at the door to their bedroom with his hands held up in surrender saying, "She's gone."  It was the morning that my life changed when Mama died.

Thankfully, it didn't take any of us by surprise.  For the past week, the family had been at her side doing our best to fulfill her final wishes (with the exceptional help of her caregivers and the Hospice team).  Actually, I think that's what we'd been doing for the past 20 years that Mama had been living with brain cancer.  We wanted to make sure she was comfortable.  We wanted to spend time with her.  We wanted to spend time with each other and enjoy all of the memories God had allowed her to share with us.  Whether it was the past 20 years or that last week of her life, she was worth every minute of it; even down to that last early-morning alarm on Thanksgiving morning.

Here I am, one month later. I woke up around 3:30 this morning, and it didn't hit me until closer to 4:00 that one month had already rushed by.  The emotions I feel right now are the same emotions I've felt since 4:00 AM on Thanksgiving.  A friend of mine left these words on my Facebook page the day that Mama died, and it describes the emotions very well:

"Sad and glad... crying and laughing... remembering and rejoicing... hard to explain unless the Lord has you in His hands." 

As sad as it makes me to miss having my Mama here with me, I'm glad that she's not here in her earthly body anymore.  As much as crying is a part of the grief process, laughing is, too, and I know that's what Mama would want us to do more of.  And, as much as I love memories, I rejoice at every one of them that Mama left for me and our family.  They are such treasures.  I don't know how someone who doesn't have a relationship with Jesus Christ could make it through the loss of a loved one.

So, as I face the day ahead with such a mixture of emotions, I remember that today is Christmas Eve.  It's a day filled with much anticipation for us who are Christ Followers.  It's another day that God uses to remind me of His mercies, His grace, His hope, and His love as we celebrate CHRISTmas.  It's a day that makes losing my Mama much more bearable because of those gifts from a Father who loves us so much that He gave His only Son.  Merry Christmas... Now, go hug your Mama!
Another Christmas Memory with my Mama, Lolly (just in case you couldn't decipher the puff-paint letters on her shirt!)
Christmas 2010